verb.
to make the future course of something different.
I've been thinking about change lately. Its that time of year, ya know?
Spring. When things change. Flowers are blooming, birds are chirping, the world is coming back to life. The world is changing.
Change can be hard.
Change can be good.
Change shapes who we are.
Sometimes I really hate change. Its hard to accept that things might never go back to the way they were. That the course you expected your future to take is going to be different.
With change comes choices. That's probably the hardest part. Having to choose what you know will make others and yourself ultimately happy, even when it will be the hardest thing to do. Choosing to admit that ideas, things, and people aren't always what and who you thought they were. That sometimes, those closest to you are the ones that can hurt you the most. And that somehow, you are going to be okay, and stronger, and better because of it.
The reality of growing up has been sinking in lately.
Growing up.
Growing out.
Growing in.
Growing up doesn't mean you won't be discouraged when things are hard and when life gets tough and these changes and choices come up. It just means that you can handle it better. You don't just sit at home, hugging your pillow pet, and crying to your mom about it. Not that it doesn't help to do that.. It means that you accept what is happening. Instead of wondering what others can do to fix things, you ask yourself what you can do to make them better.
Because really, that's all you can control sometimes.
Growing up means taking responsibility. Its not getting bigger shoes and moving up a grade in school, its learning, and living, and simply growing.
Growing out of childhood and into a new person. A person who can handle these changes. Who can make good choices. And that is when you discover that the biggest change has taken place inside of you.
And it can be so hard.
When you feel replaced by friends, or overshadowed by siblings, or weak in school, or lost in the world, and basically overwhelmed, that is when you realize that change is happening. And that it is happening now. And fast. And it hits you. Hard. Right in the gut. That sometimes there is nothing you can do about it. But you protest anyway. And you wish, so hard, that things had never changed.
You wish you were still a child.
Getting lollipops from the crossing guard on the way home from school.
Drawing imaginary worlds in your driveway.
Fighting over who got to wear which princess dress.
Getting lost in the trees in the backyard and discovering fairy-tale lands.
Worriless.
Happy.
Its ironic, that when you were a child, all you wanted to do was to grow up. Now, it seems all I want to do is go back to that innocence and wonder.
Its hard to accept that even when you do try to stop change, it might not work, and things won't go back to how they used to be. But you still give it your all.
Because that is what growing up is. Doing hard things. Being the bigger person. Changing. And hoping that you will be better for it.
You hope and pray that, somehow, all this hard change will be worth it in the end.
And it will.
You have to believe that.
So, as I sit enjoying these winds of change, and the new life of spring, listening to the birds sing, and watching the flowers sway in the breeze, wish me luck on this journey of growing up. Of looking forward to the adventure. Of accepting change. Of making choices. Of learning, living, and loving every step. Of changing what I can, accepting what I can't, and learning the difference between the two. Wish me luck to accept that this change will bring about beautiful things within me.
Because I will need all the help I can get.
"My will shall shape the future. Whether I fail or succeed shall be no man's doing but my own. I am the force that can clear any obstacle before me, or I can be lost in the maze. My choice, my responsibility; win or lose, only I hold the key to my destiny."
-Elaine Maxwell
Wishing you luck,
Until next time,
Until next time,
A
