journey of a lifetime (part III)

july 25

Today is the day of goodbyes. Sitting on the bus in front of the school in the morning I am filled with nervous anticipation. When will it really hit me that I'm not coming back tomorrow, or the next day, or the next? When will I realize that the sticky heat, choppy language, and overwhelming green beauty won't be my reality anymore? When will I realize that no longer will I spend countless hours playing, carrying, laughing with, hugging and kissing precious children?

I get off the bus and am immediately immersed in the energy and excitement of the carnival. Each laugh as sincere as the last, but backed with the thought that this might be the last--at least with this child. The moments are bittersweet. I wonder if things should be more melancholy. But no. As much as everything is overshadowed with sadness, it is also about the barriers we have broken and the relationships we have built without words.

 

Looking around it feels like a dream. But it is the best reality I have ever experienced. Little girls and boys run over to grab the hands and hearts of those they love.  They climb on us like a jungle-gym, then squeeze us tight around the neck.

Gho takes me and Sam into an empty classroom and gives us a dragonfruit. Yang holds me as tight as I hold her. I watch Qua care for his baby sister in a sweet way I have only seen glimpses of throughout the week. Cahn and Duang run around like wind-up toys on caffeine. Lihn shows off her pretty new dress, she is wearing it here for the first time. Yim comes running over to leap into my arms. Later we play tag and she stops when she wants to be caught and tickled. I get in a waterfight with Yang and her aunt behind the school while boys throw water balloons at us. Dang is so glad I can finally sort of pronounce his name that he flashes me a million dollar lion smile. Cahn paints his own face while Duang tattoos his belly, cheeks, and chin. I catch glimpses of kids running in every direction as I watch pieces of my heart run all over the school yard.

I am afraid of losing who I am here. The happiness. The laughter. The love. Can I find that in Utah where people are absorbed in making mountains out of molehills where nothing really exists. In comparison to here, where it seems mountains are made into molehills as the humility and harmony of neighbors and friends shines through. I could live a lifetime here and still have so much to learn. I feel at home here. And I have come to realize that it is so much the people around that influence and shape you. It's not the green of the mountains or impoverished streets, for they would mean nothing if not for the children who come running and the women who stand waving. The men who stare, then smile at the onset of my waving. Without them, this would be just another pretty place.

I hope I have left something for the people here to reflect on or learn from. I hope they will trust me with a piece of their hearts to love and protect as I travel home and try to show others the difference one person can make. I hope I can bring home the me I am here. The one who smiles and waves at everyone. Who loves and is loved. One who will voice her mind and take the position she needs to. Who does not let her beliefs change with the wind. Who will pick up a wheelbarrow and run to the cheers of children and smiles of men. I think of all the things I have learned here that is one of the most important. Perhaps the Lord wanted me to find that divinity within myself and I needed to be here, with these special people, to do that. For that I am so grateful.


Alright, enough with my runaway mind. Just an hour until I go to say hello to my angels for the last time.

LATER.

I got off the bus to the sound of singing and clapping. This ceremony had such a contrast to the other. Rather than awkwardly trying to get a smile out of the kids, I was immediately grabbed on to.  While we were waiting for everything to finish being set up, I grabbed my journal and passed it around to have the kids sign. I even got a few drawings. Treasures! I sort of followed my journal around and ended up sitting in the middle of the kids with Duang on my lap playing with my hands and a couple girls sitting behind me doing my hair. Then Gho pulled me toward her and Qua and Dang and THuang. When the ceremony began I had to go back over to my seat and on my way over I saw one of the girls from road repair! I was so happy! I didn't think I would see any of them again! It sort of made the moment perfect.

After our footloose dance, Duang grabbed me and picked our a seat for us. I was immediately surrounded by kids. It's the moments like that that show me that I really did make a difference to those kids. Maybe as a friend, a jungle gym, a hair model, an example, whatever it may be, they wanted to be around me.

In the end, the kids sang us a song. I sat with my road repair girl since she wasn't part of the school. We sat on the front row and I wrapped her up in my arms. She help on tight as we looked up at my kids' bright shining faces. I was having a hard time keeping my emotions in check, and I guess the kids noticed because I was surrounded by them when they finished singing. Now I said I was surrounded before, but this time I really mean surrounded. They all wrapped their arms around me and hugged me tight. Thuong reached over two kids to rub my sweaty back and lean his head on my shoulder. He looked like he was about to cry, too.

After the ceremonies the women had prepared a dinner for us. I was feeling rushed so I hurried and sat down, totally oblivious to the kids leaving or being told to left. I wish so badly that I had taken the time to say goodbye to my kids before I ate because nearly all of them were gone by the time we finished. We didn't get any final hugs of kisses. No last piggy back rides or games of tag. No real goodbye. They were just gone. And then we were gone. Since we didn't get the classic goodbye sendoff, I'm just counting my time in their midst during closing ceremonies as my goodbye.

 

 

It's interesting in Vietnam because nothing says goodbye. It's all "see you again"s. On the signs, on our cake, it's what they say. So here's to the end of the day of goodbyes "see you agains".

journey of a lifetime (part II)

july 20

Well, we started today off early when we woke up at 5 AM to swim in the ocean! Unreal.

I love the little, little kids. Yang (I think it is) is a little girls with a big giggle. We played hokey pokey together today and she would not let go of me. Then, after all the lessons she came and played with me again. She stole my sunglasses and made me chase her to get them back. A little while later my other best friend, Duang, came and climbed up on me. A kid on each hip, I can't complain! We ran around and played and they just thought it was so funny to look over and see each other! What a riot.

In the afternoon I went to the old school.  I loved giving piggy back rides and running around and spinning--but mostly just to hear their giggles in my ear.

 

After we went and played soccer with the English camp. As soon as I got off the bus there, Gho (pronounced Yow) ran up to me, grabbed my hands, and went "one, two, three," and jumped up around my waist. Then she squinted her eyes really tight, which is what they do when we spin them in circles, so we spun!

 

 

 

 

I think it is so amazing that not only does this program change their lives in a big or small way, but it changes our lives. I know that for me, I have seen that there is so much more than just focusing on your small section of the world. There are far more issues and blessings in store that I have yet to discover. The best way to start a friendship is to smile and wave. I hope that I never, ever forget the difference I am personally capable of making.

july 21

There is hope! I am finally starting to learn and remember the kids' names! Pronounciation, on the other hand, is a completely different story...

Gho tracked me down pretty quick today. My favorite was this afternoon when I was a group leader she saw me through a window so she came and reached through it and called me name. She grabbed my hand through the window, then the next, then the next, until she got the door and pulled me out and gave me a hug. Later she asked the interpreter to tell me that she wants me to come back tomorrow. It's impossible not to feel loved and happy there!

july 22

Today was great! I started off at the old school doing construction (slash really just playing with the kids). It is so sweet when the kids just come up to you and lean on you and put their arms around you. At any given time I probably had at least three kids wanting to be carried. There was a little boy in a red shirt who became my buddy for the day. When I was kneeling so the girls could do my hair, him and three of his buddies just came over and hugged me. We just sat there hugging for like 10 or 15 minutes.

 

I've noticed that the way to almost everyone's hearts is through the children. I think it must be because of their innocence and simplicity. Kids have a way of looking at problems in a way that seems more manageable. They have taught me that maybe most problems can be solved starting with a smile. And hugs finish the job in the end.

Tonight we had a sort of thankimony, reflecting on the trip so far. Justin pointed out that between the two teams that have been here over the last month, there have been about 80 Americans. The last time there were 80 Americans here was during the war. What a difference. In the reasons, ideas, reactions, and feelings. We really truly are breaking down massive barriers.

july 23

Today was such a great day. I went to a "special project" we were invited to. We stopped on the side of the road, crossed the street, and ended up hiking up a trail that led to a village tucked away in the mountains. It was the first time I really, really noticed the simple and humble way these people live.  We were told to start helping move piles of dirt to make a road. But...they needed people to volunteer to play with the kids. Begrudgingly I went...okay really I was pretty excited!

This experience was a lot different than meeting with the other schools the first time. Like the other schools, the kids were super shy at first, but unlike the other schools, these village kids had never seen a white person before. They were very tentative and looked confused any time we got close to them. I was worried they wouldn't warm up and was really missing my school kids, but decided to make the best of it before running off in self-pity to move piles of sand. Eventually they did warm up to us and it became one of  my favorite experiences of the week.

 

 

I've discovered the way to a little kid's heart is by tickling, which leads to holding, and then tickling while holding, and spinning, and eventually hanging upside down from your arms, all topped off with a precious kiss.  Kid's innocence is refreshing, their shy, or outrageous giggles are infections, their smiles irresistible, and their hugs and kisses are priceless and unforgettable. As we build relationships with them, not only do we build bridges with their generation, we break down barriers with the older generations.

As I was leaving and saying goodbye, three of the older girls came over and were asking me something. I obviously couldn't understand them at all, so they tried to speak English. I got "walk" and "won" and pointing to where we had been playing. The true interpretation: they were wondering if I would coming back later! So I have to make sure I get to go back tomorrow!

july 24

Happy Pioneer Day, Utah! Okay, Joanna just pointed out that we haven't even thought about pioneers all day. Well that's cause we were so busy. And in Vietnam, not Utah. It's not quite as big of a deal here.

Anyway...I got to go back to road construction today! We handed out little packs of crayons and construction paper, which the kids loved. So did some adults. A cute man (weird that I just called him cute, I just adore everyone here so they are all cute...) but a cute manly man came over and colored a picture as well.

 

One of the highlights of my day was when Hung made me actually go do construction and work (which I almost haven't done any of the whole trip, if you haven't noticed). I had a little fan club following me around and cheering me on as I ran wheel barrows full of cement up and down the hill. They kept asking if I was tired yet (their hint that I should go back and play, but honestly I don't know which job is more exhausting!)

While I was helping with construction, it was neat to see how the people worked together so harmoniously and just fill in wherever help is needed. The men were so impressed when I would come dump cement, up and down , up and down.

After I finished working, I went back to play with a little trail of kids. My sweet little baby fell asleep on me. Snoring and everything! I died. Again as I was leaving, the kids came running over and asked if I was coming back later, or tomorrow. I had to say no and it broke my heart. They followed me out and said goodbye. All waving from the top of the hill, and then running down to wave at the bus door.

 

journey of a lifetime (part I)

july 14

Well. It's the day I've been waiting for! I'm on my way to Vietnam!

Flight to China. Fourteen hours.  That's all that really needs to be said.

One of the neatest things was lifting the window shade during the night and seeing the stars.  It was so cool! Magical, really.

july 15

Holy heck. This place is amazing.

The layover in China was horribly long. It was crazy. Crazy boring that is. But we survived. From there we flew to Ho Chi Minh City (also called Saigon). On that flight I had the CUTEST little Chinese girl sitting next to me. At the beginning of the flight I was trying to fall asleep and then randomly felt something petting my hair--yes, it was her. She then became my best friend and started chattering away in Chinese. She kept looking at me like I should understand what she was saying, but obviously I had no idea so I just smiled and nodded.

So let me set the stage for when we arrived in Vietnam: dark, evening, so tired, hungry. There are no rules about driving here. You can do just about anything, go in any direction, go any speed, or get as close to anything as you want, so long as you honk. Oh and there are so many scooters (aka motor bikes). The country is infested with them. Anyway, it's really neat to see how things work together regardless of who or where you are.

So despite being so tired we walked through the rain to go to dinner. It was so good! One girl got stir-fry and they brought her out a plate of fries stirred around in soy sauce. So funny. On our way home, Justin led us through an alley to show us the apartment he lived in when he came to teach English. When we walked through the alley we were basically walking through people's houses. It was like every house was missing a wall and we could see what was going on inside. Kinda cool! I can't imagine what they were thinking when 40 white people started walking through... 
 

 
 
july 16
 

We went to the Cu Chi tunnels and war memorial museum today. At the Co Chi tunnels we basically learned about how the Vietnamese killed Americans. The American Enemy Killing Heroes and such. It was horrible. Then we crawled through the tunnels. They were hot. Plain and simple. Hot.
 
After the tunnels we went to the war memorial museum. It was worse. I have never felt ashamed or embarrassed to be American before. Agent Orange, a toxic spray released to kill the jungles so we could see camps of soldiers to kill. It left so many awful effects. Burns, deformities, death, birth defects, and the problems still continue today. It's sad to think of all the people who faced those problems as a witness and through first hand experience. It's disappointing to think of the people who took pictures and walked away without doing anything. It's scary to think of what the US has done, is doing, and is capable of doing that I don't know about. The experience was very eye opening although sad. It was humbling to see things through the eyes of the "enemy"--who is really just another type of living, normal people.
 

 
july 17

After an overnight, longest ever, 12 hour train ride, we made it to Song Cau!

Let me skip to the good parts. We went out exploring and found the cutest little family! 3 girls, mom, dad, and grandma. The littlest was just learning how to walk and loved blowing/eating bubbles. The mom just loved showing off her kids.

 

We also had out opening ceremonies. Oh my gosh! I love the kids! At first they were really shy, but by the end we were all laughing and taking pictures and giving high fives. This week is full of promise of fun and memories!

july 18

This morning I taught my English lesson on emotions.  After my lesson a cute little girl stayed and helped me clean up. Darling I had a few kids who stayed during all my lessons. I pulled out balloons and bubbles and the kids just LOVED them so much.  Oh my. I sound like a crazy person, but this place is the best.

 

 

During our three hour lunch break there was a big rainstorm so we went on the roof and danced in the rain. Does it get any better? I think not.

 

LATER: Okay. It gets way better.

This has been the best day of my life.  After lunch I went back up to the school.  All the kids came running when the bus pulled in. They ran up waving and calling out "hello, hello" and lined up outside the door of the bus to say hi and give us high fives.

Okay, embarrassing moment of the day. We were playing tag and I was being chased, so, of course, I ran away. Right into the thick black cord holding the tarp up. I ran into it so hard that the cord snapped in half and my head jerked back. Oh my. So embarrassing. To top it off, I had been tagged so I then had to chase everyone. So great. Let me tell you.

Oh so flashback to this morning. A kid pooped in my English lesson. Yup. That's all.

Um so dinner was awesome. I accidentally ate squid. Enough said.

After dinner we went into town on a search for ice cream. And then. We saw dancing. And decided to join. It ended up being a charity event for the Red Cross. So we ended up being able to dance with the kids. Priceless.

And now. The best part.

So the cute girl who had grabbed me to dance with her ran over and pulled me aside as we were leaving. She led me off to the side where it was lit up and more quiet and pressed a little gift into my hand. She then gave me a hug and ran off.  The gift was a little necklace/whistle thing. Best ever.

july 19

I still don't know how to describe my feelings in this place. It's like no moment is the same and every moment is the best. No one moment is better than another because they are all part of a whole set of feelings. Here in Vietnam, I feel whole.

Despite the language barrier, the relationships we are building are real and strong. I can feel and see it when the kids run down to the bus to greet us. When they hug us, sit on our laps, copy what we do, and blow kisses as we ride away on the bus.

It's so fun to see the kids start opening up and seeing their personalities come out. One of my favorite parts of the afternoon was a little boy and little girl (gosh I wish I knew their names!) were the last two standing in musical chairs and ended up playing tug-o-war with the stool. It only ended when the boy kicked (not unkindly) the girl away. So funny!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Once again we walked around town--our main intent, more ice cream.  While we were getting ice cream we met up with Hoa, one of the police from the friends and family team. Here's how our conversation went.

Hoa: "Hi, what is your name?"

Me" "Alyssa, what's yours?"

Hoa: "Hoa, H-O-A. How old are you?"

Me: "18, how old are you?"

Hoa: "22, do you have a boyfriend?"

Me: "No, do you have a girlfriend?"

Hoa: "You are beautiful, get boyfriend."

Haha, not sure if that was a compliment or if he was hitting on me...

So as we were walking through the same courtyard as yesterday, I felt a small tap on my back and heard a little voice say, "Hello, Olyssa?" Guess who?! My favorite little girl from yesterday! She noticed me wearing the whistle and got so exited when I blew it!