my infallible truth

So I, along with all the other seniors in my ward, was asked to speak in church today.  Like usual, I really procrastinated writing my talk.  Which left me with a blank Word document at 11 AM this morning, needing to be on the stand at 12:50.  I had less than two hours, not included time needed to shower and get ready.  Now normally this isn't an issue for me.  I actually really like to write talks and speak in church.  But for some reason, I just could not receive any inspiration this morning.

So, I went to my parents, hoping for some team brainstorming ideas.  Nothing.  Until...my dad said something really impactful.  Something I really needed to hear.  Something I needed to hear so bad I started crying when he said it.  It was just a gentle reminder.  He told me that he loves listening to me talk about the scriptures.  He told me that he knows, and that I know, that I have a testimony of them.  He told me that I know far more than he did at my age, and that I probably know more than most people my age.  "Just look at your scriptures," he said, "they're filled and falling apart."

And so that's what I want to share today.  My infallible truth.  What I know, and what I will never forget.  The truth is, I haven't been as good at reading them lately.  And I can tell.  It's almost to a point that I have felt physically drained.  But, I still know they are true.  And how I have been feeling is just another testament to that.  No one could convince me that the Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants, Bible, and Pearl of Great Price are not divine and true.  I know that they are.

So, I want to tell you what I said in church today.

I want to talk about Peter.  He is one of my favorite people in the scriptures, because I think that we can all relate to him.  In October Conference of 2012, Elder Holland spoke about “The First Great Commandment”.  Let me set the stage here.  Christ has died and the apostles are unsure about what to do next.  They turn to Peter who is the head apostle, and he suggests going fishing.  So they go back in time and become fishers, and like on the night of their first encounter with Christ, they are unable to catch any fish.  Now since Elder Holland can tell the story much better than I can, I’m going to quote some of his talk.

(After an unsuccessful night fishing…) "[The apostles] disappointedly turned toward the shore, where they saw in the distance a figure who called out to them, 'Children, have you caught anything?' Glumly these Apostles-turned-again-fishermen gave the answer no fisherman wants to give. 'We have caught nothing,' they muttered, and to add insult to injury, they were being called 'children.'

"'Cast the net on the right side of the ship, and ye shall find,' the stranger calls out—and with those simple words, recognition begins to flood over them."

Now, let me pause and ask you a question.  And I want you to really think about it, don't just read the words.  What does it take for you to recognize Christ?  Think about that while you continue reading.

"Just three years earlier these very men had been fishing on this very sea. On that occasion too they had 'toiled all the night, and [had] taken nothing,' the scripture says. But a fellow Galilean on the shore had called out to them to let down their nets, and they drew 'a great multitude of fishes,' enough that their nets broke, the catch filling two boats so heavily they had begun to sink.

"Now it was happening again. These 'children,' as they were rightly called, eagerly lowered their net, and 'they were not able to draw it for the multitude of fishes.' John said the obvious: 'It is the Lord.' And over the edge of the boat, the irrepressible Peter leaped."

Pausing again.  Now, Elder Holland does not elaborate on this “leap”, but I want to stop and consider it for a moment.  Hearing and recognizing the Savior’s voice, Peter becomes so excited that he “leaps” over the boat and begins to swim to the Savior.  He was that excited and eager to see his Lord again.  Ok, so sort of crazy, right?  I would think that the other apostles who had stayed on the boat made it to shore and their reunion with Christ before Peter did.  Maybe his leap wasn’t really that beneficial.  But Peter’s eagerness sets him apart in this story.  Think again.  How eager are you to please the Savior?  What would you do to meet his will and come to him? 

Continuing with Elder Holland's narrative.

"Gesturing to the 153 fishes, Jesus said to His senior Apostle, 'Peter, do you love me more than you love all this?' Peter said, 'Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee.'

"The Savior responds to that reply but continues to look into the eyes of His disciple and says again, 'Peter, do you love me?' Undoubtedly confused a bit by the repetition of the question, the great fisherman answers a second time, 'Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee.'

"The Savior again gives a brief response, but with relentless scrutiny He asks for the third time, 'Peter, do you love me?' By now surely Peter is feeling truly uncomfortable. Perhaps there is in his heart the memory of only a few days earlier when he had been asked another question three times and he had answered equally emphatically—but in the negative. Or perhaps he began to wonder if he misunderstood the Master Teacher’s question. Or perhaps he was searching his heart, seeking honest confirmation of the answer he had given so readily, almost automatically.

"Whatever his feelings, Peter said for the third time, 'Lord, … thou knowest that I love thee.'

"To which Jesus responded (and here again I acknowledge my nonscriptural elaboration), perhaps saying something like: 'Then Peter, why are you here? Why are we back on this same shore, by these same nets, having this same conversation? Wasn’t it obvious then and isn’t it obvious now that if I want fish, I can get fish? What I need, Peter, are disciples—and I need them forever. I need someone to feed my sheep and save my lambs. I need someone to preach my gospel and defend my faith. I need someone who loves me, truly, truly loves me, and loves what our Father in Heaven has commissioned me to do.'"

Elder Holland concludes, "My beloved brothers and sisters, I am not certain just what our experience will be on Judgment Day, but I will be very surprised if at some point in that conversation, God does not ask us exactly what Christ asked Peter: 'Did you love me?' I think He will want to know if in our very mortal, very inadequate, and sometimes childish grasp of things, did we at least understand one commandment, the first and greatest commandment of them all—'Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind.'"

So now, I want you to think of your answers to my questions.  What does it take for you to recognize Christ?  How eager are you to meet his will?  Would you leap off the boat to follow him?  And finally, in your conversation with God, could you reply “Yea, Lord”? Did you feed his sheep? 

At the end of John 21 verse 19, Christ simply says, “follow me.”  He has given us the perfect example to follow.  We must “feed his sheep” through missions, examples, testimony, faith, endurance.  We must defend our faith.

I believe that if you will follow Christ and surrender your life to him, he will mold you into what HE needs YOU to be.  I know that sometimes I may jump off the boat and be so eager to seek after Christ that things don’t go quite according to plan and I arrive later than intended, or have skipped a step so things aren't perfect.  But I also know that my love for Him can enable to be molded by His will and His plan.

But maintaining that faith is not always so easy, is it?  Let me share another story about Peter.  

We’ve all heard the story in Matthew 14:22-33, there’s a bit of a storm outside and the disciples are struggling through it on the sea during the night when suddenly they see a figure walking on the water.  They cry out in fear and Christ responds, “Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid”.  Christ beckons to Peter and Peter walks on water, one of the many miracles in the New Testament.  Yet, despite the miracle and obvious faith Peter must have had to accomplish it, he becomes afraid and begins to sink. 

I imagine that Peter, who had so much faith in Jesus that he could walk on water, perhaps took his gaze off of Christ for just a moment and succumbed to the “boisterous” winds around him.  Like Peter, I know at times my focus wavers, and I lose sight of my rock and redeemer in the midst of the temptations and business of the world.  I think maybe we all do.  

Another thing I found especially important in this set of scriptures was in verse 25, it says “And in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went unto them, walking on the sea”.  My bishop pointed once that the fourth watch is the early hours of the morning, from about 3 to 6 AM.  Likely the storm had been going for many, many hours already, and it wasn’t like Jesus was oblivious to it.  In fact, he was very aware of it.  He purposely came during the fourth watch.

In Ether 12:6 it says, "And now, I, Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things; I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith."

I believe that Christ comes to us in the fourth watch of our trials, when we are most tired and exhausted, to lift our burdens.  He will come to us after we have learned what we need to from our experience.

One last thought about Peter. In verse 31, after Peter calls out to Christ as he is sinking, Christ “immediately...stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt.”

Christ immediately reached out to Peter when he saw he was in the most need.  He did not hesitate; he saved Peter, just like he has saved all of us.  He waited until Peter had struggled through his trial and done his best and called for help and in that he learned an important lesson.  

I know that it is in my darkest hours when I pray the hardest and have the most faith in Christ.  It is in those hours of the fourth watch that he is able to work the greatest miracles in me.  Like Peter, who was in one moment full of faith, and in the next fearful, I struggle to be strong always, but I know that if I endure to the end, Christ can do great things in my life and allow me to “walk on water”.  I have yet to experience a fourth watch which does not end with Christ calling and reaching out to save me.

I know that the scriptures are true.  I know that God lives and loves us.  I know that because of the atonement I can not only repent and return to Christ, but that I also have an ally to give me strength and comfort when I am weak.  That I have a Savior who will push me as far as I can go, and then pull me back in a warm and loving embrace.

I want to share my favorite scripture.  D&C 50:40-44.

40 Behold, ye are little children and ye cannot bear all things now; ye must grow in grace and in the knowledge of the truth.

41 Fear not, little children, for you are mine, and I have overcome the world, and you are of them that my Father hath given me;

42 And none of them that my Father hath given me shall be lost.

43 And the Father and I are one. I am in the Father and the Father in me; and inasmuch as ye have received me, ye are in me and I in you.

44 Wherefore, I am in your midst, and I am the good shepherd, and the stone of Israel.  He that buildeth upon the rock shall never fall.

Christ has overcome the world for me.  He will guide, love, and protect me despite what I made Him suffer.  And He will do the same for you.

One final thought.  Never forget His love and devotion to you.  Never forget what you know.  Be diligent in who you are and keep your eye on the Savior.  D&C 6:23 says, "Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?"  Remember what you know.

In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Until next time, 

A